


My Brother and his Vampire Friends

by Frostberry



Series: Travailler Depuis des Années [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Cute Little Fic, Gen, Vampires, old fic from 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 00:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: Eight year olds Naruto and Sasuke discuss Sasuke’s older brother, Itachi.





	My Brother and his Vampire Friends

**** Naruto was sitting with his new friend Sasuke outside a place called Ichiraku Ramen. They had been friends for a while now, as they attended the same academy class together. 

"What does your brother do for a living, anyway?" Naruto asked, slurping his ramen, steaming pouring out of his mouth. 

"Oh, he's a vampire." said Sasuke casually.

"Really? Are you one?" Naruto questioned, curious.

"No,” said Sasuke.

"Why?"

“Actually he's not really a vampire."

"You been lying to me!"

"He's a dwarf."

"WHAT?"

"No. He is a vampire. He’s taller than me, so he’s not a dwarf!"

"Then he isn't a dwarf."

"His friend Kisame is huge,” Sasuke made a face. “So he looks like a dwarf compared to him. Kisame is an  _ underwater shark _ vampire."

"...There's such a thing?" said Naruto, enthralled and interested. 

"Yeah,” said Sasuke. “Then there's also Zetsu, the  _ Venus Flytrap plant cross vampire _ ..."

"!!!!!” 

"And Sasori, he’s a puppet cross vampire. He's weird. And then, there’s that Tobi guy. A  _ swirl vampire _ ."

“A swirl?”

Sasuke nodded, talking in between mouthfuls of ramen. "But he has other normal vampire friends like Deidara, who is an all _nighter expert terrorist vampire_ _who takes out the mouths of his victims and plasters them all over himself with sticky tape vampire_. And Konan who is a vampire who kills humans with her paper. She then papercuts them on the neck and she drinks their blood!"

Naruto gaped.

"Aren't any of his friends normal!?"

"Well… there’s Kakuzu who is a money vampire. He collects humans and gets money for it. Then the guys who get the humans, they rip it apart. With Hidan's help of course."

"Who is Hidan?"

"Kakuzu's friend who is also Itachi's friend. Well Kakuzu gives the humans to this guy at a building - "

"Is Kakuzu a vampire too?"

"I'm not too sure." Sasuke scratched his chin, pondering over that thought for a moment. "Anyway, and then Hidan stabs the human a tiny bit, but not enough to kill them. Then he goes black and white and stabs himself!"

"He'll die!" said Naruto, shocked.

Sasuke shook his head. "He's a vampire, remember?"

Naruto gulped and nodded.

Sasuke continued, "Then the human dies, you see. Then they get the guy who isn't a friend of Itachi's, but is a friend of Kakuzu and Hidan's, to take all the blood out of the person and put it in bottles in the fridge! Cool, isn't it?"

Naruto screwed his eyes up. "You're not funny, bastard! That's sick!"

Sasuke ignored Naruto's obviously scared face. "Who else did I miss... Oh yeah, Pain!"

"Pain? As in actual pain or his name is Pain?"

"Name," Sasuke corrected. "He has piercings and thinks he is a goth or something. He can blow things up like Deidara but on a huge scale. He's very boring, you know."

A shadow loomed over the two of them. Itachi was standing there. Looking amused.

Naruto looked scared out of his wits. 

Itachi gave him a reassuring smile, showing fangs. Naruto was about to bolt any minute.

"Sasuke, you've scared poor Naruto,” At which at this point Naruto started to cry, "Sasuke - could you please pick up the post? I want to speak to Naruto alone." He got out a tissue and wiped Naruto's tears away. Sasuke gave his brother a filthy look and stalked off.

"Sasuke says you are a vampire." Naruto said between sobs.

Itachi grinned to himself.

"So do you want me to tell you about his friends, Naruto? He has a  _ water vampire _ , a  _ split personality vampire  _ and  _ vampire covered in bite marks  _ as friends."

Naruto screamed.

 


End file.
